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Remember that you married your partner because they were fun, spontaneous, creative, and charming? Now that the memories of  the wedding festivities are dim and you are living every day with this person, some of those attractive “character traits” are starting to be annoying and irritating.

You would like to plan the summer vacation now, they would rather put it off until later. You would like to talk about budgeting and get the checkbook straightened out—because there have been four overdraft charges this month—but they say, “I’ll do better next month.”  You would like to have the kitchen counter cleaned off so you can prepare a nice meal tonight; they say, “I’ll clean it up later.” You would like to be on time for a night out with friends; they say, “Nobody will mind if we are a little bit late.”

Does this strike a chord? Well, that is the bad news, and here is the good news: It can get better with both partners learning to communicate positively, working with the strengths of ADHD, having a sense of humor, and perhaps hiring a therapist or ADHD coach to give you some pointers.

One thing I know after counseling hundreds of couples for almost twenty years is that there is hope. Both parties can learn to understand each other and the role ADHD plays in the marriage so that married life can go more smoothly.ach to give you some pointers.Here are 8 strategies that can help:

1. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Which is more important, the marriage relationship, or that everything is neat and tidy at your place?
2. Reduce some tension by allowing the creative ADHD person some space in which it is okay to keep things their way.
3. Go over the household chores and talk about each others likes and strengths, then choose the best person to be in charge of each chore.
4. Use smart phones and other technology to sync your calendars and have lots of alerts to remind the ADHD person of upcoming appointments.
5. Give lots of encouragement and compliments when you see effort to overcome the challenges of ADHD. Don’t be a nagging partner.
6. Keep the lines of communication open. Listen and try to understand the other person’s perspective and way of looking at life.
7. Put effort and energy into continuing to date and spend quality time together, like you did before you were married. Plan weekly dates, enroll in a class together, and laugh and enjoy each other. As Stephen Covey says, “Put deposits in the emotional bank account” so there is something to draw out when life or ADHD shows up. (And there is a guarantee that it will!)
8. Above all, learn all you can about ADHD and celebrate the wonderful things your partner brings to the marriage. Remember the reason you committed to marriage in the first place. It is worth the effort.

ADHD brains work differently than non-ADHD brains. Make 2012 the year you  understand, embrace and celebrate both  unique brains in your marriage!

In one of my prior newsletters, I had challenged each of us to “How to be Happier in the next 30 days!”.  It is just four simple steps and leap day sounds like a great day to start!

• Step one:  Make a list of all those in your life who you could say thank you to (big and small connections).  Think of past and present connections including neighbors, family, friends and teachers.
• Step two: Choose 4 people each day and send them your simple, but meaningful, thank you by card, e-mail, or text.
• Step three:  Continue each day picking and sending the thank you messages for 30 days.
• Step four:  Make a new list, if necessary, and keep speaking gratitude.  You will feel happier and so will a whole lot of other people.

Remember even a few minutes focusing on and expressing gratitude can change your attitude and energy for the day.

Leap Day and this “extra” 24 hours only come every four years.  Use this opportunity to honor the mind/body/spirit connection so vital to a human’s life.   The rewards and benefits to our emotional life are amazing!

Would love to hear from you about how or what you did?  Please post here or send me an e-mail.

Happy Leap Day!

Warmly,

Sherry 

Some years ago I heard the Fable of the Porcupine and it has always stuck with me.  It was a very cold winter and many animals died due to the harsh conditions.  The porcupines chose to huddle together against the cold.  Together they provided each other shelter and protection but their infamous quills would wound each other as they crowded together for warmth.  So after some time the porcupines started to no longer be together.  They stayed away from each other to protect themselves from each other’s sharp quills.  In time they began to die, alone and cold.  These porcupines faced a choice to either accept the quills of their fellow porcupines or be alone and suffer an even worse fate.  Ultimately they chose to accept the quills and come back together.  They learned to deal with the prickly, sharp quills of their fellow porcupines and the little wounds.  They also received the warmth, shelter and protection they needed to survive the harsh conditions of that winter.  By coming together, even with the discomfort, they survived.

What can you and I learn from this fable?  Our companions, those closest to us and those we love have imperfections, much like the quills of the porcupine.  The most successful relationships are when each person learns to live and accept the imperfections of others and look for the good qualities, the warmth, people bring to relationships.   Although we may be different from porcupines, we human need each other to survive.

During February (especially on the 14th) let’s reach out to our circle of relationships – recognize their contribution to our lives and contact them in person, by phone, text or Skype and thank them for the part they play in “balancing” our lives in a positive way.  Stop by a neighbor’s just to say hi, wave across the street to a mom coming home from work, give the postman a smile as he delivers the mail, or thank the checker at the grocery store.  How about sharing a warm loaf of bread with the family down the street?  Give an acquaintance a call to invite them to a play, bowling or hike you both would enjoy!  Share a kind word or  …. Surprise someone with a handwritten card or note in their “old fashioned mailbox.”  We certainly have gotten away from those friendly personal contacts with instant messaging, texting and e-mailing.  Your friends or family will feel some extra love and thoughtfulness from you.   Never know – might start a “new” trend!!

To strengthening your relationship life!  Happy Red Day!

Smiles and warm wishes!

Sherry

Christmas services with the grandkids

A few days before my arrival I received a surprise call from my teenage step-daughter:  “Hey, Grandma Sherry, I am going to be in a performance the day you arrive.  Do you want to see me?”  I responded a BIG YES.  Once off the phone there was a warm spot in my heart because my step granddaughter had called and asked me to see her perform!  Later watching her in the play I realized how much she has developed into a beautiful young woman since joining our family 6 years ago.

The two little boys were full of energy and I loved watching them jump on the mini trampoline I bought for them.  The toddler boy is my “6 AM alarm clock,” coming down the stairs to “see if Grandma is awake on the couch!”  I wanted to sleep a little longer, but knew now’s the time to enjoy this quiet one- on- one with him.  Another memory that stands out with him is when guests were over visiting and he kept pointing to me and saying: “that’s my Grandma!”  He was so proud to show off his Grandma!

What can I say about sweet Baby Girl – as she has been dubbed by Mom?  There is nothing more precious than a baby new from Heaven, learning and growing, crawling, laughing when you play peek-a-boo with her, wanting to be held, smiling; and smacking her lips when Grandma introduced first, smashed, avocado to her!

My mid-west grandsons picked out very cool Christmas presents that I will wear with pride.  The phone calls to keep in touch over the holidays are priceless!  Getting the current pictures of the another set of teenage grandkids was special – on the Beach and both in  blue (my favorite color!) – and arm in arm, brother and sister.  What a joy to watch them grow!

I love that social media, like Facebook gives me a regular window into my grandkids lives both through their posts (from the teenagers) and the funny stories shared by their parents.

Recent research found:  ”it’s healthy to spend some time with grandparents…Grandparents make a difference in a grandchild’s life.”

However, I would like to add a RESOUNDING affirmation that grandchildren make a BIG difference in a grandparent’s life, as well!!!  We sometimes get cynical and jaded and forget to take time to “smell the dandelions.”    Being around grandchildren gives us a new zest for living, a chance to sing and run and play,  a glimpse of nature and life through a child’s eyes – to slow down and watch a butterfly or see the moon in the sky or pick up a rock or stick or flower – just because.   The ordinary and mundane become magical and exciting when grandchildren see them for the first time!   And the tales these little ones weave – imagination at its best.  Grandparenting  gives Boomers energy and a fresh perspective for these “Mature Years!”   I am so grateful and blessed to be matriarch of this grand family!

Watch for more blogs addressing this wonderful stage of life!

I am excited to announce my first eBook, “Unwrap more Joy, Creating Balance in an Unbalanced Season.”

I hope that this eBook will provide you with tips and tools to help you find balance in an unbalanced season. As my gift to you this holiday season I am offering this eBook FREE to my blog subscribers. Simply click on the subscribe button to the left, choose the Unwrap more Joy eBook option, provide your information and you will receive your free copy of “Unwrap more Joy”.

Please allow 48 hours for electronic delivery.

Doesn’t that sound wonderful? However for many, it seems like an impossible fantasy. Today’s blog continues with suggestions for Creating Physical Balance in your life. We will be discussing sleep – how important it is, how difficult it is for some people to get a full night’s sleep on a regular basis and some tips for getting healthy sleep. The human body needs and requires sleep to rejuvenate, relax and rebuild each day.

Nevertheless, thousands of people have erratic work schedules; business trips that take them across time zones; parents with new babies; trouble getting off the computer when it is bedtime; eating or drinking too much, too late; or physical and mental health issues that prevent regular sleep such as: sleep apnea, chronic pain, depression or anxiety. At this time of year, the Holiday Season can interrupt sleep while we work longer, celebrate more, shop and travel more, and engage in creative, time-consuming gift and decoration projects.

There is a false belief that if we go without sleep “to get more done,” we will actually accomplish more. The opposite is actually true. Research has shown that this practice has a dangerous consequence – sleep deprivation. This is linked to a lot of problems – obesity, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, mood swings, and trouble concentrating and difficulty remembering. All of this increases accidents at home, at work and on the road.

After further studying this problem, I would like to share some widely-agreed upon tips for getting more regular and healthy sleep.

1. Have a regular bedtime and wake-up time. This has to do with circadian rhythm where our bodies like to have a consistent routine for eating and sleeping. It helps our bodies work better. Try out different bedtimes (usually 7 or 8 hours) and decide what works best for you! The old adage “early to bed, early to rise” actually is wise.

2. To promote getting to sleep more easily, establish a “slow down” routine – a warm bath, reading a calm book, or listening to pleasant music. Turn off the TV, computer and bright lights as part of your routine.

3. Have your bedroom dark, quiet, comfortable and cool. Sleep comes more easily, if the bedroom is used only for sleep.

4. A good mattress and pillows (that support you well, neither too hard or too soft – as Goldilocks found!!) are musts! If your mattress is more than 10 years old, maybe it is time for a new one. Turn the mattress over every few months.

5. Stop eating at least 2-3 hours (preferably 4) before you go to bed. Your body uses sleeping time to rebuild and rejuvenate; if it has to digest food at the same time, it cannot readily accomplish this task. Have you ever had night sweats or awakened in the morning groggy? Eating too near to bedtime could be the cause.

6. Experts also recommend avoiding cafeine, nicotine and alcohol late in the day.

When the “sandman” is having trouble at your house, try these tips. If insomnia or inconsistent sleep patterns persist, discuss with your doctor ways to get better sleep. Your body and health will appreciate it!

The Sleep Foundation is a good resource.

Here’s to a good night’s sleep!
Sherry

OK, I’m not talking about the cute little red children’s character, but rather Eat Less, Move Often. I will be kicking off the blog with a series focused on small steps you can take today to Create a Balanced Life. These steps will be focused around the 5 areas I discuss in my approach. I’m starting with Physical, and in advance of the holidays, a time when our bodies often are not our number one priority. The first step is ELMO (Eat Less, Move Often).

Many years ago I read a magazine article by a woman who had lost a tremendous amount of weight by regularly eating less and moving often.

So this holiday season, skip the 2nd trip to the buffet table at a gathering; or grab a glass of water instead of a Christmas cookie, when you hit your afternoon slump. Remember if you have ADHD, carbohydrates can be addictive. Instead of settling down for an after-Thanksgiving nap, invite your sister (who you rarely see) for a walk and enjoy spending time catching up. Don’t fight the crowds and gladly take the far parking space at the mall, when you do your Christmas shopping.

Each day find a way to move a little more, even if it is only a few steps and be moderate in your food choices. Enjoy the holidays and remember January comes quickly! So think of our “little red friend” and remember to move often and eat in moderation. Your body will thank you!

So, voila!  Here I am – launching my new website and entering the digital age.  I am passionate about what I do;  recognize the need for people to grow and heal;  and decided “going where people are” is what I needed to do to get my message out.

Welcome to my new website, brand and tools!  Thanks to my team,who have been the creative and expert minds behind this project – leading me by the hand along the way.  We explored my purpose and mission to give heart and action to it.

Maybe you are past or present clients, Conscious Dating workshop participants, newsletter readers, seminar audiences, or just found me “surfing the web.”  Welcome to all!  Please accept and value my offerings through the website, postings on FaceBook and Twitter as meaningful and useful tools to bring balance to your life.

It is about Conscious Living:  there are five main areas in a person’s life ~ physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and relational.  We need to consistently pay attention and make and accomplish goals in each of these areas to be a balanced and successful human being.   To start, I will be blogging in a series dealing with each of these areas, so you can learn and grow into the balanced life you are seeking.  It is about potential and possibilities – life can be an adventurous journey when you have the tools to make it so.

Again, welcome to my new world – grow and learn with me – please pass along the links and information to family, friends, neighbors and co-workers.  Together let’s be joyful and healthy in our respective journeys.  Always appreciate feedback from you!

Check back often ~

Here’s a fun video on the power of social media technology.